thoughts.

twenty-six days til norcal. and forty-somethin' til conference.

lately, i've been thinking about this 'righteousness' in my life. in MY life because, well, it would be completely ironic to try to measure someone else's righteousness - it's just not right.

that thought led me to think - why do we choose to do the right thing? is it so we can have the right to be mad at "wrongdoers"? it also made me realize that oftentimes, our own corrupt selves lead us to the greater downfall of everyone around us.

you see, when we allow ourselves to sink deeper into our weaknesses, our sin - the more we feel unobligated to help others change their ways. we tend to not get mad at them once we've done what they do or do what they do. we then begin to just OK everything... "it's okay. everyone's doing it." the thing is, we forget that it isn't okay when it empties out our lives of meaning.

i remember reading in the bible once that doing good is to save others. it's not necessarily a direct help to another person, but it saves them in a way. it gives you the light to see that some things that we do are not okay.

God is the only one worthy of ever being called righteous. i feel ashamed for ever thinking that i was. i'll admit. i thought the superficial things that made me religious made me righteous. i have realized however things done in the shadows - in the dark. sins hidden and kept in secret between us and our conscience. it's a struggle everyday to feel like i have to front to God, like those sins are excused because i'm so tired of "doing His work." somehow, somewhere along the road, i've forgotten what it means to be like Him, to serve Him and why i really want to be with Him.

there is no material pay. God's rewards shine in the sun, pour in the rain, and dance in the wind. They don't fall on our doorstep, so we can't wait. We just have to bask in the fact that everyday, God loves us enough to keep us alive.

"all that is hidden will be made clear. all that is dark now will be revealed. what you have heard in the dark, proclaim in the light - what you hear in whispers, proclaim at the housetop." the Almighty, Just and Righteous is He.